tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13283466561673341902024-02-20T01:56:12.044-08:00Monkeys and Teapotspoetry, photography, love and honesty.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.comBlogger215125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-80663702378070467142014-09-27T11:07:00.002-07:002014-09-27T11:07:49.830-07:00a glimpse<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The tender moments in life are tied together by strings of emotion. Some of the stings are unraveling tethers of disappointment. Some are vibrant and shiny bands of gold that make us strong and connected. They tie us together no matter if they bring joy or sadness. That is life. The lucky moments we have are a glimpse of genuine and sincere love. We are all wrapped up by these stings of moments on this bizarre planet on which we exist. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-76396323776020721022014-08-09T10:09:00.000-07:002014-08-09T11:36:01.655-07:00life lessons<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Written on March 12, 2014<br />
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Once upon a time there was a girl who loved a boy. She thought she did anyways. It took her a long time to realize that she didn't really love him, because she didn't know what love was. She didn't realize that love doesn't mean that you lose yourself in another person. It doesn't mean that you sacrifice your needs to please another person. It doesn't mean that you try to "help" because he needs "fixed". It is not about guessing where you stand with someone or wondering if he feels the same way. If that is what genuine love is then I don't want it. It is not. It is about mutual respect because of respect and love for oneself. Spiritual connection. In the past I gave myself away to a man who paid attention to me, I fell in love easily and I gave my all-without finding what I wanted or needed.<br />
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The inner critic is not a friendly voice, it is the voice of a different generation echoing a history of abuse. Mistrust. That inner voice didn't believe that I was good enough or that I deserved love. That inner voice lied to me about love being conditional based on my looks or my weight. <br />
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"Stop trying to control everything and just let go." -Fight Club quote<br />
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I'm here to experience and to love. I am here to make friends and connections with people. I am here to experience being a human being. I want to allow all of it. Happy, sad, depression, joy, anger, all of it. It really doesn't matter what I do as long as I am grateful and aware of the gift of life.<br />
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This is such a strange wonderful thing to be a human being. To be on this planet. Why are we here? The past becomes the present and the future is determined by the choices that we make. Do I dull the pain with addictions? Do I go through the pain by working with a therapist.<br />
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I was addicted to pain. I got used to disappointment and used to being melancholy. I got used to being fearful. <br />
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I'm impulsive yet I've moved across the country to survive. I have always wanted to be here and now I am--I listened to that voice now I have to keep going. <br />
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I give my energy and I become so tired sometimes. I need to be filled.<br />
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My life.<br />
This is my life.<br />
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Why was I born in Ohio?<br />
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Why am I 37 years old and not following the life path of marriage and kids?<br />
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Where is my soulmate?<br />
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Why did my first love find me again?<br />
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I didn't love myself enough before to exude the confidence needed to attract a good mate.<br />
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I tell myself these words: I attract men who are good enough for me. I attract men who are sober and healthy. I respect myself.<br />
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what brings me joy?<br />
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who brings me joy?<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-28977434505804360112014-02-02T21:57:00.001-08:002014-02-02T21:57:33.972-08:00Picture it, imagine it<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I wrote the journal entry below when I was unemployed over three years ago and uprooted from my "previous life". I see the life that I desire now coming to fruition. It doesn't happen instantly. It is all a process. Baby steps. I made it this far. I moved across the county to a place that feels like vacation when I am not at work. That is a great feeling. I see lots of art, culture, energy, and beauty all around me. I've met people on similar journeys as my own. I am getting closer to the paying off debt, that is the next step. I have been procrastinating about it for a long time. The first couple of years in Seattle were a huge struggle financially. I am far from being comfortable financially, but I don't feel the anxiety and stress I used to feel before. Living off of credit cards is a horrible feeling. I did not give up though. The Pacific Northwest is where my heart wants to be. Seattle is my favorite place. I love being close to Portland and Vancouver BC too. </div>
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I found this picture of myself today when I was sorting through boxes. I was 17 in this photo. My friend Lisa took this of me when we were in a Graphic Arts class. Carefree and happy. At least that is what I choose to remember about that time in my life. There has been so much pressure and fear and disappointment along the way that sometimes it is hard to be vulnerable and carefree. But I will promise myself to try. </div>
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I have been trying to get into a photography program but most classes are "continuing education" and they don't allow student loans. I know that I can take out a regular loan or figure out how to pay as I go. It comes down to being faced with the dreaded budget. If I pay as I go, I have to really pay attention to where I spend my money. I have to check off this part of my list, to get to some of the other goodies on the list. "Pay all my debt."</div>
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I found this list I made of my personality traits during my unemployment time. I guess it is an ongoing project--finding myself. I find myself and then sometimes I lose myself in being "helpful" to others. "Helpful" because it doesn't end up being helpful, just sort of co-dependent or unsolicited. </div>
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It made me laugh that I crossed out "relaxed". It is so true that I have a really hard time relaxing. I am often too wound up to relax. My psychologist suggested that I try a supplement to relax. It is called Pharma GABA. It does seem to help me relax. . .you can find it on Amazon. </div>
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When I am tempted to beat myself up for not being more than what I am, I need to refer back to this list. I am me, and I know who I am. I possess all of these wonderful traits and that is enough. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-2260509017723430332014-02-02T00:14:00.000-08:002014-02-02T00:14:02.645-08:00happy moments<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-35483363306165698422013-12-22T21:30:00.000-08:002013-12-22T21:30:43.771-08:00Life to the fullest<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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2013. . .<br />
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lots and lots of beach walks,<br />
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seaglass,<br />
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I moved<br />
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Acupuncture at North Seattle Acupuncture<br />
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Dad's visit<br />
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Discovered craniosacral massage is awesome<br />
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San Juan Islands<br />
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<span style="text-align: center;">Deception Pass</span><br />
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Bat for Lashes<br />
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found hearts<br />
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quality kitty time, meow!<br />
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sunsets<br />
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Snoqualmie Tunnel<br />
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Daughter show at Neumos<br />
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Twin Falls hike<br />
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river picnic<br />
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Roslyn (Hi Abbey!)<br />
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Lake Chelan<br />
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Had a Hattie pup to keep me warm in my tent! :-)</div>
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Iron Goat Trail<br />
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Middle Fork<br />
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Otter Falls<br />
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Night time photography class<br />
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Fremont Solstice Parade<br />
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Meditation class<br />
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Camera Obscura<br />
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Annette Lake<br />
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Franklin ghost town<br />
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Denny Creek campground<br />
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Franklin Falls<br />
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Sebadoh<br />
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Goldmyer Hot Springs<br />
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Greenwater Lakes<br />
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Gary Numan<br />
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Cannon Beach<br />
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Astoria<br />
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Cape Disappointment<br />
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The National<br />
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Ohio<br />
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Pittsburgh<br />
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Piney Point, MD<br />
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therapy<br />
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new job<br />
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Journeying class at Bastyr<br />
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Coco Rosie<br />
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Iron Horse State Park<br />
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Rattlesnake Ledge<br />
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Iron and Wine<br />
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Dungeness Spit<br />
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Port Townsend<br />
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San Francisco<br />
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Chuckanut Drive<br />
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Portland<br />
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Very good year. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-76556538654913626912013-12-12T23:36:00.002-08:002013-12-12T23:36:54.946-08:00Active Meditation <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I went to a mediation class this evening at the <a href="http://worldofmeditation.com/" target="_blank">World of Meditation</a>. The technique that <a href="http://worldofmeditation.com/contact/about-us/" target="_blank">Shanti</a> taught tonight was a meditative dance and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sufi_whirling" target="_blank">whirling</a>. I did not expect an active meditation when I walked there. I thought that meditation was mostly about mind only with body stillness. Not true, there are many techniques. One I learned about this evening, was a Sufi practice. I wouldn't have thought that I could whirl, but I did. I whirled my ass off. Whirling is spinning around in circles quickly for a long time to music. It was a cool experience. Everyone in the room was spinning in their own meditative circles, and they became an animated background as I spun in my own awareness. It was quite beautiful. <br />
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To avoid becoming dizzy you focus on your hand outstretched above your head, and your other arm is pointed toward the ground. Staring into my palm as the world spun around me, brought me to a joyful and blissful place. I could only smile and focus on what was happening right at that moment. No thoughts of stress, anxiety or sadness entered my mind. Only my hand in front of me, the music in my ears and the others spinning around the room too. I feel so relaxed and calm now. I feel the release. Being in the moment is so important. <br />
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<br />I met a girl in my class who also moved from Pittsburgh to Seattle. She started her westward journey ten years before me. Such a small world full of kindred spirits and kindness. I have met a lot of Pennsylvania peeps in Seattle. :-) <br />
My soul is fed. I felt the presence of God moving through me, through a new technique. There are many paths that lead to the same place, and I really enjoyed this one. I want to learn more about meditation and relaxation. It is so important to have an outlet for the stress of life. All the crap that we let into our heads everyday requires release. The negativity that forces it's way into our day must find it's way back out. This is a way to let go of it and to spend quality time finding what makes you feel good, "I can't wipe the smile off my face" good. I whirled the shit-storm of life away today. Huzzah! <br />
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<i><b><span style="line-height: 21px;">There is a life-force within your soul, seek that life.</span><br style="line-height: 21px;" /><span style="line-height: 21px;">There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that</span><br style="line-height: 21px;" /><span style="line-height: 21px;">mine. </span><br style="line-height: 21px;" /><span style="line-height: 21px;">O traveler, if you are in search of That</span></b></i></div>
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<b><i>Don't look outside, look inside yourself and seek That.</i> <span style="line-height: 1.5;">-Rumi</span></b></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-74295040558046855542013-11-26T22:13:00.001-08:002013-11-26T22:13:49.126-08:00weekend wandering<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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It was a sunny Saturday in Seattle, so I decided to go to Discovery Park for a walk. </div>
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I found more treasures.</div>
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Including this pretty piece of sea glass. </div>
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Mt. Rainier decided to grace us with her majestic presence.</div>
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I took an unexpected and very welcomed road trip to Bellingham via the Chuckanut Drive.</div>
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Overlooking the Samish Bay on a clear and beautiful Sunday afternoon.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-7421149497606717052013-11-18T11:47:00.001-08:002013-11-18T11:47:33.639-08:00The sweet spot<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I went exploring this weekend in San Francisco and had an amazing time. The vibe there was great. The people I met were friendly and fun. I loved walking down Haight Street.<br />
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Checked out the view from Coit Tower.</div>
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Found quiet retreat in City Light Books.<br />
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Watched the sunset at Lands End.<br />
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It was a perfect November night in a magical place.<br />
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Made it to the Golden Gate Bridge before the sunset the next night.<br />
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Had an Americano at Caffe Trieste in North Beach where Jack Kerouac and other poets and writers have met and wrote.<br />
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Met up with old friends and made some new ones. Ate wonderful meals at Sweet Maple, Dosa on Valencia, at a great Peruvian restaurant that I don't recall the name of, but it was awesome. Danced at the Cat Club and watched people dance at The Make Out Room in the Mission.<br />
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I loved watching the sea lions on Pier 39.<br />
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Exploring and experiencing new places, and seeing new faces is the sweet spot for me. I feel so glowy and alive when I am venturing out. A stranger on the street stopped me to tell me that I have a great smile and it felt so good beaming with excitement and love on the inside and out.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-76491137302898801372013-10-12T21:51:00.000-07:002013-10-12T21:51:30.431-07:00reconnect<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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It is good to go home to reconnect. To the familiar and the cozy. To the warmth and the friendly. To the people who've known me the longest.</div>
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To golden fields.</div>
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To brilliant breathtaking sunsets over Ohio farmland.</div>
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Visiting the city where my life took a turn, and not feeling anything but gratitude that I had the chance to experience it, once upon a time. . .</div>
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Reflecting on the new, and forgiving the old.</div>
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Relishing in the crisp autumn, vibrant colors and the chill of October.</div>
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Taking a bike ride with my dad along my favorite path in Lisbon. </div>
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Catching a leaf in the sunlight, like stained glass. . .</div>
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Remembering where I came from, and how it's led me down my current path.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-54635494445879566432013-09-21T10:12:00.001-07:002013-09-21T10:12:52.509-07:00The National-Terrible Love<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I went to see The National last night. The song that stuck out to me the most was Terrible Love. The lyrics are so good. . .and fitting to my life. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-1655073182219753442013-09-05T21:30:00.001-07:002013-09-05T21:30:21.302-07:00Road Trip<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I love road trips, especially if I don't have to be behind the wheel. I wasn't even expecting the trip until a week before it was set to happen. Being spontaneous brings me joy especially when the road leads to beautiful explorations. </div>
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Over the weekend I went on a road trip to watch a Gary Numan show in Portland with my friends. I met nice people, ate good food, played with a three month old baby. I thought we were just going to hang out in Portland the next day but we ended up taking a spur of the moment detour along the Oregon coast. This has been a dream of mine for a long time. I finally got to experience it and it was amazing. It is so dreamy at Cannon Beach. </div>
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While we were driving back up the coast into Washington we stopped off at another park, </div>
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Cape Disappointment. There was a breathtaking view and North Head Lighthouse.</div>
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I love living in the Pacific Northwest. I love that the roads that lead to beauty are so close. I love that there are so many places to explore. </div>
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Cape Disappointment was anything but disappointing. Being there makes the other things in life that are disappointing dissolve into the ocean air, at least in that moment. I went with a heavy heart and left with a sense of peace and feeling of awe.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-49785314109852294952013-08-18T18:47:00.004-07:002013-08-18T18:58:03.725-07:00haunted<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
stop haunting my dreams<br />
i release all of you<br />
you have to let me go<br />
and live with the choices<br />
and decisions<br />
there is no going back<br />
no reliving the past<br />
there's nothing left there<br />
it's dormant for a reason<br />
it needs to sleep<br />
and it will not thrive<br />
in another season<br />
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<br />
when you think of me<br />
just smile and wish me well<br />
that's all i want from all of you<br />
if i don't release all of this<br />
i won't ever be free to move on<br />
let go of me<br />
you screwed up<br />
by letting me go<br />
but it's done<br />
i'm not watching any of it play out<br />
anymore like a sad movie.<br />
it's not worth the stomach flips<br />
or the pictures in my head<br />
or the bad dreams<br />
of the times that never were<br />
it wasn't fun when it was happening<br />
and it wouldn't be fun now<br />
i don't enjoy lingering in a swamp<br />
of blah sad boy tears<br />
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<br />
i deserve better than this<br />
i want joy and genuine tenderness<br />
i don't want pipe dreams<br />
and unrequited fantasies<br />
the faces in my mind<br />
have surely changed with time<br />
and the man that you are<br />
and you are<br />
and you are<br />
have changed<br />
and i don't know you<br />
and you don't know me,<br />
and you don't get to know me now<br />
because you didn't see<br />
the value of me then<br />
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<br />
it's time to brush this past off of my heart<br />
it casts too long of a shadow<br />
that there is no glimmer of hope<br />
in any of these hauntings<br />
only pain.<br />
i'm releasing you now<br />
go live your life like you've already<br />
been living<br />
and just tuck me away deep<br />
in your mind where I won't<br />
disturb or stir up any dust<br />
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<br />
i'm the one who is alone<br />
not you<br />
but that 's the choice<br />
keep away unless you're a good good man<br />
and i've yet to find one who will stick<br />
i let you go<br />
i let myself heal from all of it<br />
i thought i had let this go a long time ago<br />
but it is obviously holding on<br />
to my dreams and my heart<br />
maybe you're dreaming of the life<br />
you could have had with me<br />
i see the shit i would have put up with<br />
the lack of trust<br />
the cheating<br />
the lies<br />
we were so young then<br />
but how much do people really change<br />
at the core?<br />
behavior patterns?<br />
was i just a special person on which to cheat?<br />
to take up any more precious space<br />
in my busy busy mind,<br />
i've got things to do and a life to explore,<br />
so go now and haunt me no more.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-72661189685874996862013-07-21T21:32:00.002-07:002013-07-21T21:32:23.104-07:00good people, good life<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-69823704450559066202013-07-07T10:44:00.001-07:002013-07-07T10:44:38.866-07:00tunnel vision<div style="margin: 0 0 10px 0; padding: 0; font-size: 0.8em; line-height: 1.6em;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/monkeysandteapots/9229985563/" title="tunnel vision"><img src="http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5484/9229985563_523dcb3cfd.jpg" alt="tunnel vision by Moonsong1977" /></a><br/><span style="margin: 0;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/monkeysandteapots/9229985563/">tunnel vision</a>, a photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/monkeysandteapots/">Moonsong1977</a> on Flickr.</span></div><p>ghost town of Wellington.</p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-62491290322389119442013-06-07T23:08:00.000-07:002013-06-07T23:08:17.084-07:00stirring the pot<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div>
If you've never tried craniosacral therapy, you should give it a whirl. I was told that I had one of the worse cases of TMJ (<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">temporomandibular joint </span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16px;">or </span>tightness in my jaw) by two different therapists that either of them have ever seen. After three visits with my naturopath doctor; Dr. Theresa Goldsmith at <a href="http://www.theemeraldcenter.com/">The Emerald Center for Integrative Medicine</a>, performing craniosacral massage, the tightness is almost gone. My doctor said it was not only from the work she's done but the truth I have proclaimed in my life recently. I carry stress in my jaw from holding my tongue from the truth.</div>
<div>
What truth? </div>
<div>
I am bored with my job.</div>
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I lack direction in my "career" path. </div>
<div>
I need to find work where I can thrive. </div>
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How many more desk jobs will I have where I burn out in two years and have to move to another position? I am having trouble moving around in the current company. Doors are closed to me. I am flailing like a fish out of water. I'm a round peg trying to fit into a square hole. My truth keeps the doors closed. </div>
<div>
Time to find the open doors.<br /><div>
I am beginning to explore the options of moving on in my search for fulfilling work, or at least working toward a goal to make a truth-filled future for myself. I had a poor review with my current position in customer service. I have been taking things personally when people speak to me with anger or frustration. I get defensive. I am experiencing burn-out. I don't like the way I feel about my job. I am trying to approach it with a better attitude. I am grateful to have a job. I don't need to give my power away because of some jerk's bad day. I am better than that. It is not fulfilling my soul, but in the meantime I must not let it steal my joy. </div>
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I am looking into possibly trying massage therapy, or photography or nutrition, or ??? I would have to beef up on the organic chemistry classes if I wish to follow the path of nutritionist, and that may take me at least four years to get there. Is that what I really want? The help is there if I need it, the universe will open up and accept whichever path I choose. I have dates set up to explore the programs and I am looking forward to seeing what is out there.</div>
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I won't listen to anyone trying to tell me what I CAN'T do. There have been too many times where I let negativity keep me from moving forward or pursing one of my passions. I can do whatever I put my mind to do.</div>
<div>
With focus and ambition and federal student loans, I can go back to school and learn something that I can do that will be more in alignment with who I am.</div>
<div>
I am glad that I am able to get away on the weekends to the woods and see beautiful things. This is the absolute best therapy. But all the stirring is bringing about another change in the season. . .new choices to make. Stirring the pot that's been stagnant for a long time feels good. It is time to take the next step. . .</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-12960031336121046482013-06-07T21:48:00.000-07:002013-06-07T21:48:38.004-07:00a sacred place<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I am sitting on a picnic table in one of the most magnificent places I've seen. I'm in a remote spot only reachable by boat on Lake Chalen. It is early morning, and I am the only one awake. I have my tent set up away from the others. In a perfect spot by the lake.</div>
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<span style="text-align: center;">There's raging river beside me coming off of a mountain cascading down into the crystal blue lake.</span><br />
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There are snowcapped mountains with little trees lining the surface like a man's facial stubble in need of a shave.<br />
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There's a calm, peace and wondrous presence of God here. So close to me right now. Spiritual healing, continuously, working on my soul. There's no "arrival" moment, just constant testing, failure, success, confusion and letting go.<br />
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Moving forward, moving on. What's my purpose on this planet? I've been so blessed to enjoy the richness of beauty all around me. I take in the brilliance of this secret place that my friends have shared with me because they love me and wanted me to experience it with them.</div>
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Here I am, God. Mold me into who you want me to be. I want to be a light and not allow anyone to take my light from me. How do I take the next leap of faith? Where do I go next? How do I fit in? </div>
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This place is so wonderful-I am so honored to be in a sacred spot. It moves me to tears of joy and it restores my soul. Thank you God for making such a beautiful planet. Thank you for making me. I am so happy to experience each and every moment. Thank you for making me so sensitive, it allows me to experience life so richly and fully.<br />
<br />
I feel EVERYTHING!!!<br />
I am living my dream!<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-63266418109682973332013-04-28T21:59:00.000-07:002013-04-28T21:59:57.302-07:00abundance<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I had a dream about abundance. It was quite powerful.<br />
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<br />
I was imagining things and they appeared in my hands. It was magical.<br />
One of my friends was standing by in the dream asking how I did it and I just told her that "I believed".<br />
Believing makes things real. Brings things to pass. Allows for good things to come.<br />
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<br />
<br />
I also had a dream about a hummingbird guiding me. I see the spirit of my grandpa being a hummingbird. He is like a lighthouse in the storms that come into my life.<br />
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<br />
I feel my energy has changed with this new place.<br />
I have more light.<br />
I have more. . .<br />
De-cluttering once again. I want to get rid of the things that weigh me down.<br />
I want to incorporate exercise more into my routine.<br />
Explore bike trails, and more hiking destinations.<br />
There's so much to explore and to learn.<br />
<br />
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<br />
I will make it past this plateau with my nutritional journey. I haven't lost any more weight and held steady at 35 lbs of weight loss. My goal isn't necessarily to reach an ideal weight but to be a healthier and more energetic me. I am getting irritated that I have hit the plateau but I am in a better place than I was when I started and I am happy with me. I can't expect different results without making more changes. I am hoping to start physical training. I hit a snag in that process as well, but everything happens for a reason. I had a bad experience with a gym that I joined. I am trying to work it out so that I can work out.<br />
<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vkA5IzNhvZg/UX36o7j7gkI/AAAAAAAAQ9U/1YFQjLOG5PA/s1600/DSC00738.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vkA5IzNhvZg/UX36o7j7gkI/AAAAAAAAQ9U/1YFQjLOG5PA/s640/DSC00738.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-75825258804590946142013-03-19T21:36:00.001-07:002013-03-19T21:36:01.492-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/6119395/?claim=kumj8d9r7ww">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a><br />
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-81793222604165387262013-03-16T07:59:00.001-07:002013-03-16T07:59:17.306-07:00just let go<div style="margin: 0 0 10px 0; padding: 0; font-size: 0.8em; line-height: 1.6em;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/monkeysandteapots/8561712652/" title="just let go"><img src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8388/8561712652_e670d2d1ce.jpg" alt="just let go by Moonsong1977" /></a><br/><span style="margin: 0;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/monkeysandteapots/8561712652/">just let go</a>, a photo by <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/monkeysandteapots/">Moonsong1977</a> on Flickr.</span></div><p></p>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-5253138219169764202013-03-10T11:02:00.002-07:002013-03-10T11:02:37.499-07:00honor my intuition <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mEQ4uztj__o/UTzFIlERZlI/AAAAAAAAP6k/8cYpSn0zYds/s1600/IMG_3936-001.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mEQ4uztj__o/UTzFIlERZlI/AAAAAAAAP6k/8cYpSn0zYds/s640/IMG_3936-001.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
I can only control myself.<br />
I create my own happiness, only I can be in charge of seeking the joy for my own life.<br />
I choose to be happy, to find peace, to be kind, to love, care, release the creative spirit, to give.<br />
I maintain a calm space for myself.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KXF7TR3BXqk/UTzFYJ4tOoI/AAAAAAAAP6s/ov7cARo_Q34/s1600/DSC00295-001.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KXF7TR3BXqk/UTzFYJ4tOoI/AAAAAAAAP6s/ov7cARo_Q34/s640/DSC00295-001.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
I am moving at the end of the month to a different apartment and it is another shift for me. I am leaving Ballard and my little 1930's apartment building. It feels like it is time to grow and move on, and the timing is good. I've been in this spot for two years, and I am ready to explore more of Seattle. I am moving to a quiet neighborhood where I will have a garden and a patio.<br />
Moving is stressful, but I am trying to calm my urge to freak out or shut down. Acupuncture, meditation, massage, my sweet kitty and lots of music are helping with this transition.<br />
I will try to honor the voice inside of me that tells me when it is time to relax or to stop and find quiet.<br />
When there is too much stimulation around me, it tires me, exhausts me and it's time to retreat.<br />
I am grateful for the opportunity to learn so much about myself and the chance to honor my intuition.<br />
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-31894979012993817082013-03-05T10:20:00.001-08:002013-03-05T10:21:02.541-08:00Inspiration for the day<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-i5xyR89mxZ0/UTYKxowa_1I/AAAAAAAAP4Q/_ecKrb7FdEo/s640/blogger-image-534479456.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-i5xyR89mxZ0/UTYKxowa_1I/AAAAAAAAP4Q/_ecKrb7FdEo/s640/blogger-image-534479456.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0Lower Queen Anne Seattle47.623507 -122.364373tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-39596945521864551472013-02-27T22:23:00.000-08:002013-02-27T22:23:30.060-08:00To Heal<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I moved to Seattle to heal and that is what I am doing. <div>
Slowly, gradually</div>
<div>
The Puget Sound</div>
<div>
is my refuge</div>
<div>
the waves my meditation</div>
<div>
the battering wind</div>
<div>
the dryer of my tears</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-h-yCNejoAYA/US7zAdf27CI/AAAAAAAAP28/gR_z9Zawcww/s1600/DSC00356.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-h-yCNejoAYA/US7zAdf27CI/AAAAAAAAP28/gR_z9Zawcww/s640/DSC00356.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
how many cups of tea</div>
<div>
journal entries </div>
<div>
and windblown days</div>
<div>
does it take to heal?</div>
<div>
that is yet to be determined.</div>
<div>
the hurt of the past</div>
<div>
can reach for many miles</div>
<div>
I can't go any further away from my past</div>
<div>
without falling into the Pacific Ocean.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-duDGp_2Na5E/US73Nr7g50I/AAAAAAAAP3s/pvJHA6ISsgo/s1600/DSC00330.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-duDGp_2Na5E/US73Nr7g50I/AAAAAAAAP3s/pvJHA6ISsgo/s640/DSC00330.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I have been experiencing </div>
<div>
"retracing" due to upper cervical chiropractic care</div>
<div>
and it does some funky things to the mind and body</div>
<div>
It is a healing process and it basically releases</div>
<div>
past traumas and the </div>
<div>
mind body and soul </div>
<div>
relives the experience.</div>
<div>
When the resurfacing occurs </div>
<div>
it makes me feel anxiety and</div>
<div>
stress</div>
<div>
that I thought had vanished.</div>
<div>
I worked through a lot</div>
<div>
of my kid fears</div>
<div>
and went through the painful</div>
<div>
realization that I was with a man</div>
<div>
who was not good for me</div>
<div>
when l lived in Pittsburgh and</div>
<div>
went through therapy.</div>
<div>
I worked myself into courage</div>
<div>
to get out</div>
<div>
and I soared out of the depressed sadness</div>
<div>
into a new life I created for myself,</div>
<div>
but I didn't get to just settle somewhere </div>
<div>
and live happily ever-after.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZciqGKg-G64/US7zjLBGynI/AAAAAAAAP3U/pZPdZUwH8FA/s1600/IMG_4290.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZciqGKg-G64/US7zjLBGynI/AAAAAAAAP3U/pZPdZUwH8FA/s640/IMG_4290.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
there are sacrifices </div>
<div>
heartaches</div>
<div>
reality checks</div>
<div>
Living in Seattle is expensive</div>
<div>
and it hasn't been easy to live here</div>
<div>
the way I have been on my own</div>
<div>
with my meager income.</div>
<div>
I haven't made it this far to give up</div>
<div>
so I have to make some changes to </div>
<div>
my lifestyle to make this work.</div>
<div>
I will be moving twenty more minutes </div>
<div>
away from the Puget Sound but </div>
<div>
I can handle that.</div>
<div>
I think my biggest fear has been</div>
<div>
taking this chance and failing.</div>
<div>
I want to make this work</div>
<div>
I have been now for two years</div>
<div>
and it has been a challenge.</div>
<div>
I miss the support of my friends and family</div>
<div>
but they are with me always</div>
<div>
no matter how far away.</div>
<div>
I have met new people</div>
<div>
but I want to meet more kindred</div>
<div>
spirits.</div>
<div>
I have made friends far away</div>
<div>
in Philadelphia and Dallas.</div>
<div>
I have good connections here</div>
<div>
through my healing.</div>
<div>
It takes a while to settle into a place</div>
<div>
I started to feel the urge to try someplace new</div>
<div>
but my finances keep me here for now.</div>
<div>
I can get out of the financial hole</div>
<div>
and make better choices.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Dkl4JAsOpl8/US7zIVb7SvI/AAAAAAAAP3E/Mt0A4BdY8Ww/s1600/DSC00364.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Dkl4JAsOpl8/US7zIVb7SvI/AAAAAAAAP3E/Mt0A4BdY8Ww/s640/DSC00364.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Life is different from what I thought it would be</div>
<div>
growing up </div>
<div>
a family</div>
<div>
a home </div>
<div>
a career</div>
<div>
I don't have any of those things</div>
<div>
but I have the sea</div>
<div>
and my freedom</div>
<div>
it's the best thing for me</div>
<div>
the salt water</div>
<div>
the waves, </div>
<div>
the air</div>
<div>
the sand.</div>
<div>
It has been healing</div>
<div>
and the layers of false protection</div>
<div>
are chiseled away</div>
<div>
being healthy in </div>
<div>
body</div>
<div>
utilizing methods of healing</div>
<div>
acupuncture, massage, meditation,</div>
<div>
I spend a lot of time by myself</div>
<div>
It feels liberating to drop the weight</div>
<div>
that I've been carrying around</div>
<div>
I still have further to go</div>
<div>
but I am happy with where I am now</div>
<div>
I have an occasional glass of wine</div>
<div>
or indulge in goat cheese</div>
<div>
but I basically stick with the veggie and protein lifestyle</div>
<div>
I have been reading the Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron and it</div>
<div>
is helping me understand a lot about myself.</div>
<div>
All the guilt I've felt about not constantly being on the go, for example.</div>
<div>
It is OK to take a day of rest. I am allowed to do as much or as little as I wish.</div>
<div>
Overstimulation exhausts me and to recharge I have to be alone and quiet.</div>
<div>
Sometimes I just need quiet</div>
<div>
chill and relaxing peace.</div>
<div>
how badly do I want something?</div>
<div>
to write. . .I AM writing.</div>
<div>
To take photographs. . .I do that as well.</div>
<div>
I am doing what I love,</div>
<div>
It is just not in the bulk of my time that I spend doing that which I love.</div>
<div>
I perhaps need to change my perspective.</div>
<div>
I spend my time at my job helping people,</div>
<div>
and that is something that I am passionate about.</div>
<div>
I am maybe not doing it the way I want right now</div>
<div>
but I am helping people. </div>
<div>
It's funny how light from the sun</div>
<div>
reflecting on the water</div>
<div>
can make it look so much bluer and vibrant.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-C0xDJ0pMtVI/US7zRzhR68I/AAAAAAAAP3M/ieFVC_JZ8HA/s1600/DSC00348.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-C0xDJ0pMtVI/US7zRzhR68I/AAAAAAAAP3M/ieFVC_JZ8HA/s640/DSC00348.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The grey day can make the water look murky and dull.</div>
<div>
It's a huge difference to view life</div>
<div>
with light or through sadness and darkness.</div>
<div>
We don't get to have sunshine everyday</div>
<div>
but when it comes it is glorious.</div>
<div>
It's the same water no matter what eyes we use to look upon it.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-90998056802344216232013-02-25T10:01:00.000-08:002013-02-25T10:01:24.545-08:00beachcomber<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-x6mwPUBZu5s/USuW9oFY8LI/AAAAAAAAP10/3IY7Z9cWuUs/s1600/DSC00263.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-x6mwPUBZu5s/USuW9oFY8LI/AAAAAAAAP10/3IY7Z9cWuUs/s640/DSC00263.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
I had a little chilly weather February picnic for myself at Discovery Park. French olives, Spanish Valencian almonds, Pave de Jadis goat milk cheese, hot coppa, gluten free crackers, and coconut water. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xK603Ja8Qxg/USuW9zNKvOI/AAAAAAAAP14/5XbWUptSzPM/s1600/DSC00303.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xK603Ja8Qxg/USuW9zNKvOI/AAAAAAAAP14/5XbWUptSzPM/s640/DSC00303.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
I walked the shoreline and found some things that caught my eye along the way.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--_RwqmxJRws/USuW9xyLgsI/AAAAAAAAP18/YC3JNmlyTOw/s1600/DSC00291.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--_RwqmxJRws/USuW9xyLgsI/AAAAAAAAP18/YC3JNmlyTOw/s640/DSC00291.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
Another heart on a piece of driftwood.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ztSrDIPkBiE/USuW-ghQnZI/AAAAAAAAP2E/e1kotGPCGKI/s1600/DSC00308.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ztSrDIPkBiE/USuW-ghQnZI/AAAAAAAAP2E/e1kotGPCGKI/s640/DSC00308.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
An abandoned shovel. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UEOuMl_qS98/USuW_EQKzOI/AAAAAAAAP2I/CZtCoKu0tp0/s1600/DSC00324.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-UEOuMl_qS98/USuW_EQKzOI/AAAAAAAAP2I/CZtCoKu0tp0/s640/DSC00324.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
A ghostly skeleton leaf.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8tEjWjQ4Rew/USuW-lZn1AI/AAAAAAAAP2M/kZ1zgOQP2Yc/s1600/DSC00317.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8tEjWjQ4Rew/USuW-lZn1AI/AAAAAAAAP2M/kZ1zgOQP2Yc/s640/DSC00317.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
A rusty nail.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7vW2-3sxFQ8/USuW_jHluJI/AAAAAAAAP2U/RQcyYYNcNMY/s1600/DSC00328.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7vW2-3sxFQ8/USuW_jHluJI/AAAAAAAAP2U/RQcyYYNcNMY/s640/DSC00328.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
I found lots of treasures.<br />
<br />
I found myself.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-73146194070563864962013-02-12T18:43:00.000-08:002013-02-12T18:43:27.097-08:00sick day--plea to universe<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br /><div>
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7fIMkyQI8Ro/URr2XuLPdnI/AAAAAAAAP0o/-EIWyoohc3U/s1600/DSC00004.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7fIMkyQI8Ro/URr2XuLPdnI/AAAAAAAAP0o/-EIWyoohc3U/s640/DSC00004.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
I can manifest my vision<br />
I can make my dreams come true<br />
I believe in myself<br />
I will it to be so<br />
and the universe responds<br />
I am a light<br />
I exercise and do the things necessary<br />
to be healthy<br />
I don't worry<br />
I celebrate my victories<br />
I mourn my defeats<br />
but I don't allow them to control me<br />
I bring about abundance<br />
goodness<br />
happiness and joy<br />
I'm energetic, productive, giving,<br />
caring, excited, and forgiving<br />
I make the changes I need to make<br />
to bring the goodness into my life<br />
I don't listen to the negativity<br />
I don't allow anyone to tell me what<br />
I am capable of doing<br />
I face my problems and do the hard work<br />
to get to the other side.<br />
I am a light.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0LQwRGeWtoI/URr2i3IX-0I/AAAAAAAAP0w/ZUvLEmtkS2c/s1600/DSC00028.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0LQwRGeWtoI/URr2i3IX-0I/AAAAAAAAP0w/ZUvLEmtkS2c/s640/DSC00028.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<iframe height="400" src="http://8tracks.com/mixes/1278471/player_v3_universal" style="border: 0px none;" width="400"></iframe> <div class="_8t_embed_p" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 12px;">
<a href="http://8tracks.com/michelleschrader77/part-of-the-journey">part of the journey</a> from <a href="http://8tracks.com/michelleschrader77">michelleschrader77</a> on <a href="http://8tracks.com/">8tracks Radio</a>.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1328346656167334190.post-68836847528778012982013-02-10T22:20:00.001-08:002013-02-10T22:20:13.462-08:00while on the bus<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
light dark light<br />
move<br />
stand still<br />
lay down<br />
dream<br />
listen<br />
visual stimulation<br />
others lives<br />
fairytales<br />
ambitions<br />
comparisons<br />
the truth underneath the covers<br />
try to break through<br />
the surface<br />
but it cannot permeate<br />
the layer of lies<br />
and deception<br />
it's more fun to<br />
imagine that everyone<br />
else's lives are so much<br />
more successful than your own<br />
how depressing would it<br />
be to unveil the grass as brown<br />
instead of greener?<br />
<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6JHEkvFWVbk/URiKRgjjYZI/AAAAAAAAPzE/TBjmKwPnnu4/s1600/IMG_4174.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="478" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-6JHEkvFWVbk/URiKRgjjYZI/AAAAAAAAPzE/TBjmKwPnnu4/s640/IMG_4174.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
it's built into the green eyed<br />
monster mentality<br />
to create a dream<br />
that couldn't be farther<br />
from truth<br />
stop looking<br />
and get into the meaty center<br />
of you<br />
it's not found on the food network<br />
or tips to live by<br />
in someone's self help book<br />
it's the flesh, the soul<br />
the facts<br />
we won't live two hundred years<br />
some won't see next Christmas<br />
and whatever this life<br />
means to me<br />
doesn't mean anything to you<br />
and you wonder<br />
what the cosmic bets are<br />
in this tiny game that<br />
lasts for centuries<br />
what's it all mean?<br />
too deeply involved in making breakfast<br />
to worry about a crack<br />
in my universe.<br />
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<iframe height="400" src="http://8tracks.com/mixes/1278481/player_v3_universal" style="border: 0px none;" width="400"></iframe> <div class="_8t_embed_p" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 12px;">
<a href="http://8tracks.com/michelleschrader77/ocean-tide-puget-sound-ride">ocean tide puget sound ride</a> from <a href="http://8tracks.com/michelleschrader77">michelleschrader77</a> on <a href="http://8tracks.com/">8tracks Radio</a>.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12090557475777278911noreply@blogger.com1