weekend love

How can I be kind and loving to myself?
I have been eating healthy for the past three months or so and walking a lot.  I eliminated cheese from my diet, by choice.  It was a good idea though because I have a reaction to dairy that I didn't realize.  When I stopped eating cheese I felt like a fog lifted from my head and my abdominal bloating subsided quite a bit.  I'm not happy about giving up cheese, but I am glad that I did it.  It has taken me a while to be ok with it, for a while I was angry and wanted to scream because I love cheese.  It is my favorite food.  I am going to test goat and sheep cheese at some point to see if maybe it is just cow's milk to which I am sensitive.  It is now a challenge to figure out what I can replace cheese with that will make my body feel good instead of blah.  I stumbled upon this restaurant a few weeks ago and had a delicious salad.  I wish there were more places like Thrive.  I also found Evolution Fresh which has a clean and healthy menu.  I found delicious kale chips today at the Ballard Farmers Market, they are tasty!!!
I took a cooking class at Green Lake Nutrition and it opened my eyes to properly cooking chicken.  I have overcooked chicken always.  Now I am no longer afraid of under cooking it.  I learned some delicious recipes and I have been discovering new veggies as I stick with my program.
I have been eating lots of spaghetti squash.

Another way that I have found to be loving to myself is to try acupuncture.  I started a couple of months ago and it has been very helpful with stress relief.  I'm going to Grassroots Community Acupuncture and it has been great.  I am beginning to understand how my body is in need of balance.  Acupuncture removes blockages in the flow of energy.  It has been a journey within my journey to discover the benefits if this healing method.  I truly feel more relaxed after a session than after some massages I have had.  I can feel the energy surging through my body.  If you've never tried it before, consider it.

weekend lovin'

 in the mood for Deathcab for Cutie
and Puget Sound sounds
the sun kisses my face
and the breeze tickles my neck
like a lover's gentle touch
a healing weekend
cleaning
organizing
walking
acupuncture
massage
pageboy corduroy hat
a green scarf
mineral water
smoked salmon
pumpkin soup
zucchini cakes
low flying seagull
sending love in packages
to people I love
flea market
new comfy sheets

lots of tea
The Moth Podcast
This American Life
I can feel the peace
inside and the ease
of finding my niche
listening to what my heart
longs for and needs
I need water--lakes, rivers
oceans, streams, fountains,
waterfalls.   

This metabolic reset. . .
the weight is slowing coming off
and I am adhering to the plan.
I know it is very difficult to maintain
when it is something that I've battled
with my entire adult life.
I have to decide to
figure out balance
How do I maintain at a healthy weight?
a healthy life?
a positive place of protection?
The more I take care of myself
and show myself love
the better I have been feeling
I know what it feels like to be strong
to be persistant
to listen to my heart's desire
I know what it means to be determined
and to have a strong will.
This gives me more confidence
to reach farther and to see just what
I am capable of doing.

Chelle Seeking

After things fall apart and you are left picking up the pieces it is hard to determine which pieces are yours and which are someone else's.  (Taking this personality test reminded me who I am.)  Some of the pieces are infused together and those are building blocks of experience that you take with you.  Kiss them gently, attach love to them, cleanse with tears and place gently in your growing garden of knowledge.

The weeds clutter your garden so you have to be a constant gardener.  Uproot the sadness, the loneliness, the frustration, the pain.  When weeds overwhelm and you need help to get your garden back in shape, don't be afraid to ask for help. You are loved!

Let the tears be the fountains in your garden. Allow memories to be the statues. Chizel the goodness. Cultivate the beauty of why you fell in love in the first place.

I mix my salty tears with ocean waves.

I unlock doors that I didn't know exist.

Hugs and laughter mend the brokeness.  I give myself permission to feel all of the feelings I need to feel to allow myself to heal.  I feel the intense sadness.  I embrace the fear of the unknown future. 

I am determined to free myself from the destructive patterns of my past. 

I mourn the loss of my fairytale romance.

 

I accept myself and all the aspects of what makes me who I am.

Our personalities are ingrained into every fiber of our beings.  When I understand I feel TRUE comfort.  I do not have to rely on false comforts any longer.  The void is instead filled with compassion and love. 

I can feel love grow inside of me and it is exciting. 

One day at a time.

dwell in hope

I peek at the future with my passionate heart.

I release myself from perfectionism.

I am on a path of discovery and forgiveness. A path of honesty.

I accept myself.

I am open to receive the gifts life offers.

I wrap myself in blanket of understanding and dwell in a field of hope.

  I have peace in my heart.

Even in times of solitude I know I am not alone.

My inner voice whispers to be gentle and kind. . .

and I try.

found

I found these poems in one of my many little spiral notebooks in storage box today.

I wrote them ten years ago.

She is lost in a maze

searching

for the little girl

the woman

in the window reflection

she sees the future

outside

but she's trapped in

the reflection

"peer past the past"

she whispers

"don't be afraid."

She looks all around

and sees

glimpses of herself

little pieces of what

she left along the way.

Go back and pick them up

and then shut the

door,

Don't hold on any longer

There's nothing barring

the door

nothing but your own

strength

try it.

Try the new door.

No one is keeping you from moving on

imaginary locks

they aren't there.

"Open the door"

the past whispers in unison,

voices from lost loves.

"You can do it"-

see what lies beyond the hurt of the past

venture ahead.

"Leave us behind.

It's time!"

____________________________________

Trust yourself

believe

all that happens to you

fits into a bigger picture

you'll see someday it will make sense

you can make it through

all of the past

shake the dust off of your stagnant

spirit

Let it soar!

You can go anywhere

Let it all go

before it drags you down further.

_______________________________

A ship abandoned at sea.

It is not meant to be.

The ship once held her captive.

She sailed alone-

picking up the occasional drifter

men on driftwood

trying to stay afloat

She tried to help them

she pulled them aboard

and gave them all that she had

She did not ration her feelings

She poured them out openly

and the drifter filled up on the rations quickly.

She forgot to save some for herself.

She began to starve and would cling to the drifter

begging to be filled in return.

The drifter was frightened,

too much to ask-

He jumped into the sea.

She sadly watched him sink.

The pattern repeated

one day she looked down at herself-

for she had not realized before

she had shackles on her wrists,

but there were no chains holding her to the ship.

She didn't realize until one day that she was

not trapped.

She jumped into a life boat

and left the ship behind.

Abandoned the ship she thought she

would inhabit forever.

She floated to shore and put her feet on the ground.

The earth stable under her feet

instead of the shaky sea.

No more drifters would distract her from her

destination.

She planted new thoughts and feelings

and they grew

flourished like nothing she had ever given away

to the drifters.

Refreshing and fulfilling

she tended them and knew

that when the man on the land would come

She could give him as much as he wanted,

and she would still be nourished herself.