Mt. Rainier revisited

weekend love

How can I be kind and loving to myself?
I have been eating healthy for the past three months or so and walking a lot.  I eliminated cheese from my diet, by choice.  It was a good idea though because I have a reaction to dairy that I didn't realize.  When I stopped eating cheese I felt like a fog lifted from my head and my abdominal bloating subsided quite a bit.  I'm not happy about giving up cheese, but I am glad that I did it.  It has taken me a while to be ok with it, for a while I was angry and wanted to scream because I love cheese.  It is my favorite food.  I am going to test goat and sheep cheese at some point to see if maybe it is just cow's milk to which I am sensitive.  It is now a challenge to figure out what I can replace cheese with that will make my body feel good instead of blah.  I stumbled upon this restaurant a few weeks ago and had a delicious salad.  I wish there were more places like Thrive.  I also found Evolution Fresh which has a clean and healthy menu.  I found delicious kale chips today at the Ballard Farmers Market, they are tasty!!!
I took a cooking class at Green Lake Nutrition and it opened my eyes to properly cooking chicken.  I have overcooked chicken always.  Now I am no longer afraid of under cooking it.  I learned some delicious recipes and I have been discovering new veggies as I stick with my program.
I have been eating lots of spaghetti squash.

Another way that I have found to be loving to myself is to try acupuncture.  I started a couple of months ago and it has been very helpful with stress relief.  I'm going to Grassroots Community Acupuncture and it has been great.  I am beginning to understand how my body is in need of balance.  Acupuncture removes blockages in the flow of energy.  It has been a journey within my journey to discover the benefits if this healing method.  I truly feel more relaxed after a session than after some massages I have had.  I can feel the energy surging through my body.  If you've never tried it before, consider it.

weekend lovin'

 in the mood for Deathcab for Cutie
and Puget Sound sounds
the sun kisses my face
and the breeze tickles my neck
like a lover's gentle touch
a healing weekend
cleaning
organizing
walking
acupuncture
massage
pageboy corduroy hat
a green scarf
mineral water
smoked salmon
pumpkin soup
zucchini cakes
low flying seagull
sending love in packages
to people I love
flea market
new comfy sheets

lots of tea
The Moth Podcast
This American Life
I can feel the peace
inside and the ease
of finding my niche
listening to what my heart
longs for and needs
I need water--lakes, rivers
oceans, streams, fountains,
waterfalls.   

This metabolic reset. . .
the weight is slowing coming off
and I am adhering to the plan.
I know it is very difficult to maintain
when it is something that I've battled
with my entire adult life.
I have to decide to
figure out balance
How do I maintain at a healthy weight?
a healthy life?
a positive place of protection?
The more I take care of myself
and show myself love
the better I have been feeling
I know what it feels like to be strong
to be persistant
to listen to my heart's desire
I know what it means to be determined
and to have a strong will.
This gives me more confidence
to reach farther and to see just what
I am capable of doing.

work in progress

I had a Body Mind & Spirit calendar last year and it had little exercises every month. The December challenge was to heal old wounds. That one stuck with me and I have been practicing since then.

It read:

Being at odds with others is harmful to physical, as well as emotional and spiritual health. Take the chance to heal old wounds and redress imbalances. Draw up a list of anyone you are on the outs with for any reason-they hurt your feelings, you hurt theirs. Acknowledge your part in the drama, and make amends where possible. Ask forgiveness and be willing to forgive everyone, including yourself.

It is like walking through mud at times. I have to slow down and take little baby steps. There is no running through this gauntlet. It is humbling. Sometimes scary. The more I allow forgiveness in my heart the better I have been feeling. I am attempting to let go of past grudges, mend burned bridges when possible and seek closure. As I made my mental list of hurts from the past, I realized that it traveled back a long way. Lots of unresolved wounds have been resurfacing. One by one. Diving to the bottom and dredging up the pain from the past. I am noticing that some of the clumps of muck I have been pulling up have been hiding little treasures that I wouldn't have found otherwise. I still have a way to go. Taking ownership of the responsibility in some cases is extremely challenging.



I am learning that being right isn't as important as being forgiving.



I know there will not be mutual forgiveness or acceptance from all. I will try nonetheless. I know that my heart is sincere in these attempts no matter what the outcome. I think the last part is the hardest of all; forgiving myself.

The more hurt I release the more room I have for love.

In dwelling, be close to the land.
In meditation, go deep in the heart.
In dealing with others, be gentle and kind.
In speech, be true.
In ruling, be just.
In daily life, be competent.
In action, be aware of the time and the season.

No fight: No blame. -Tao Te Ching (Lao Tsu)

(Body Mind & Spirit Calendar Silver Lining Calendar Duncan Baird Publishers)