bonnaroo dreams

yay!  someone recorded the whole concert. . .this is the 2nd half.  Love it!

love

connection

 

 

 

 I long to connect with my life's purpose, and be who God created me to be. 

follow your bliss

a welcoming gift

don't forget to. . .

Note to self: This guy is not holding on to the wall behind him.  He is jumping forward.  He isn't looking back, he is reaching out to the next wall, and he might fall in that water, but he is all in with his whole body.  LEAP!!!!!!!!

34 things to do before I turn 35

34 things to do before I turn 35

1.      Eat at an Ethiopian restaurant

2.      Take a photography class

3.      Visit San Francisco

4.      Get a tattoo

5.      Knitting lessons. . .again

6.      Take guitar lessons. . .again. 

7.      Go kayaking

8.       Conquer Seattle

9.      Climb more mountains

10.  Get a new bicycle

11.  Write a song

12.  Join a crafting club

13.  Write more handwritten letters

14.  Find unique pieces to decorate my new world

15.  Visit more flea markets

16.  Smile more, I got these dimples might as well use them. :-)

17.  Get rid of possessions that I don’t need

18.  Go out on fun dates with cute guys

19.  Choose joy everyday

20.  Forgive the past, change my perspective

21.  Listen to my heart

22.  Pray every day

23.  Be happy!

24.  Find rewarding work

25.  Go scared—doesn’t matter if I have fear—go anyways!

26.  Try different meditation techniques

27.  Find a yoga class

28.  Keep complaining out of my daily thoughts

29.  Write every day

30.  Go for more walks

31.  Let go and let God

32.  Finish projects that I started

33.  Bless all who enter my life with light and love

34.  Get a pair of rain boots for puddle splashing

how my list looks a year later. . .

1. learn how to knit (I did learn!) but i need to take some more lessons.2. buy a pair of brown boots. (I did get a cute pair!)3. learn how to use photoshop (I found picnik)4. start planning European vacation (and putting money in a fund for it)-well, not exactly ready for this yet.5. make homemade goat cheese-nope.6. go to a poetry reading (haven't done that since my early 20's!)-nope.7. visit Jenni in Jersey and explore in NYC-I did this!!8. make a cool new friend in Pittsburgh-I met a couple of cool friends before I moved away.9. take a tai chi class-nope.10. write a short story.-partially wrote a few.11. get in the habit of waking weekdays at 6:00 am.-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. no.12. finish mosaic art project-nope.  But did a lot of other art projects.13. start a photo journal of recipes my honeypie and I try.-I don't have a honeypie anymore, but I did organize all my recipes.14. re-read Jane Austen's seven novels.  I didn't--work in progress.15. volunteer my time--find a cause I believe in and go! I signed up to read to children at a hospital, hasn't happened yet.16. get a tattoo!-I know what I want to get, I almost did it.17. learn a chord on the guitar.-guitar is in storage.18. pay off my credit card debt. (it isn't that bad--so completely do-able!) ALMOST THERE!19. enjoy an evening in downtown Pittsburgh. see a play, musical or ballet--NOPE.20. go to Lilith Fair--didn't make it there this year.21. take a train ride to Philadelphia--rode in a Mini with Candice to Philly.  Took a train ride from Seattle to Portland!22. go on a creative retreat (or make up my own)--guess I definitely made up my own.23. memorize a poem-didn't work on this one.24. eat at an Ethiopian restaurant--I didn't try Ethiopian, but I did try Korean in NYC!  YUM!25. Learn how to drive stick.(eeek)--didn't happen.26. keep a food journal on livestrong website--lasted for a few weeks.27. learn one new "updo" for my hair from my cool cousin!--Didn't learn a new hairstyle, but I did get a rockin' new do.28. take the laptop to the beehive for inspiration!-CHECK!29. get a new car-Not this year. 30. use pattern from Sublime Stitching and embroider something nifty. Nope.31.make Breakfast Lunch Tea lunch and invite guests to partake.--Maybe this spring instead.32. random road trip--throw a dart at a map and drive!-I absolutely had a random trip--through Seattle and Portland.  I did a lot of random driving around Ohio too.33. publish something!--didn't do this one.Reflecting back on this past year's experiences, it was a lot of bittersweetness.  Heartbreak, loss, healing, hoping and releasing.  I leave 2010 knowing that the changes that occured were due to my newfound self respect and the grace of God.  It is hard to keep that perspective sometimes when the doubt and worry creeps in, but I know that it is all for the best.  I must also remember that sometimes, shit just happens.  No one to blame, and it is out of our hands.  Control and perfection are the enemies of happiness.Freedom, friendship, adventure and a future wide open in front of me.  I am surrounded in love.  It is a great life, and I am so blessed.  2011 is going to be awesome, I can feel it.  Luckily, the light outshines the darkness in my life and no matter how far I feel like I fall down the rabbit hole sometimes, there is always a hand to grab to pull me back. 
the format of this is screwed up and for some reason I can't fix it.  Oh well.

thaw out

the snow is melting
reminding me that there is
green underneath the cold
it reminds me that there is
hope for the spring to come
to keep the faith
not to lose sight of what
my heart is telling me
not to lose the drive
to create and to keep
taking the baby steps
and keep my eyes on the
horizon.
my heart wants to soar.

a place for. . .

in this world there is a place for dreamers
a place for the one who inspires
a place for the encourager
and my spirit is strong
and cannot be broken
by those who doubt-
themselves
and try to force their
negativity and uncertainty
down my throat.
my life need not be filled
with anxiety and worry
it always works out
whether I panic or not,
it all falls into place
whether I force it or not.
I can only control so much
and mostly just my thoughts.
material possessions, money,
a house, two kids, a dog, a cat,
a white picket fence,
PTO, and volunteer on Sundays after
church
"when will you settle down and marry?
when will you plan for your future?
when will you stop being a dreamer
of big dreams?"
If success is equal to the right job
or the right spouse
or being rich
and living in the right house
or being perfect then
I am not a success.
I am OK with that.
I accept that I make mistakes
I do not always do or say the right
thing.
I don't know how to respond
sometimes.
I freeze up and get angry inside
and sometimes I take
my anger out on the wrong person.
Sometimes I hold it all inside and
it burns a hole in me and fire
shoots out of my eyes and spews from my mouth.
Sometimes I don't know which
way to go or how to get to the
next step in my life.
Sometimes I feel completely lost
and without clue,
sometimes I am frozen in fear
because I don't want to screw up
and put my hope in someone
who can hurt me.
I feel sad sometimes.  Sometimes
I feel confident and brave.
I pray for people that I love and for people
that I used to love. 
I pray blessings for people who hate me.
I don't know how to be someone
I am not.
I don't pretend.
I will continue to be the perpetually hopeful.

My spirit cannot be broken.  This dreamer is also a doer. 

love

I send out love to the universe. 

quiet

In the quietness the dust settles.  I observe my surroundings with wonder and gratitude. 

As the autumn wind blows away the old leaves, I desire total purification and reconnection with my body.

I start a 21 day cleanse on Monday.  I drink smoothies, eat veggies, lentils and brown rice to cleanse. 

I look forward to the release of all the toxins my body currently retains.

find it.

 Find the love in every situation to extinguish hate.  An unfanned fire slowly dies.

listen to my heart

Listen to my soul.  God gave me the desires.

Leave nothing in my wake except for love. If I give with my whole heart it will lead me in the right direction.  Light leads to light. Grace and mercy are my constant prayer. 

I have so many questions and directions I could go.  Not sure where I will go.  I leave a wake of love; what bad can come of that? I do the best I can.  Listen and wait.  The possibilities are endless.  I am in a state of searching.  I am in a state of peace. 

I will not force the next step.  I am not going to push too hard.  I am being brave.  I am doing.  Living.  Going. Seeing.  Traveling.  Touching.  Tasting.  Creating.  Healing.  Being.

This life is wonderful gift.

absorbing

As I absorb the beauty of nature around me, I feel the pressure lifted. 

I live this day with a fresh spirit.  I rekindle and stir up the essence of being ME.

I embrace myself like a long lost friend, and allow the sun's warmth to recharge my soul.

I know this path is filled with light.  Truth guides the way.

I look ahead and take one step at a time.

where do I go from here?

I know that God wants me to take care of myself. 
Time of solitude is a trying time. 
What do I do with my time? 
Do I replay the past over and over in my mind and torture myself with "what if" thoughts and "should have", "would have", "could have"?

It does not lead to positive energy creation.

This does:
read encouraging and uplifting books
listen to soul enhancing music
meditation and prayer
cry if I need to cry, determine what brought on the tears and work through it.
go for a walk
drink lots of tea
coconut milk mango and key lime pie candles
sit on the porch in the late summer sunshine
journal
cuddle with doggies
watch stupid movies
learn to love myself
appreciate what I do have and accept the blessings.

Don't forget to look up. . .

I am

Creative

Caring

Funny

Intelligent

Brave

Spiritual

Open

Honest

Free-spirited

Loved

keep moving forward

time to fly

Feeling strong, feeling free.
Time to be who I want to be.
Loving life.
I watch the world go by my window
and each moment the love and joy
grows.
I am reminded of the sweetness of God.
I am really doing this!
This is what I adore-travel, nature, cities, new places!
A beautiful day;  today I want my soundtrack to be
lovely music.  I don't need to know the words,
I am writing my own.
I am trusting this love will last
and the memories I am making on my solo
travels will dissolve any feelings that arise after
this time has ended.  I still have more inside of me.
The passion and the desire to explore and experience
is alive in me.  I can do anything on my own.
I can go at my own pace.
This is freedom.

I want in my life

good coffee

healthiness
trust
photography

travel
understanding
learning
giving
caring
seeing
doing
smiling

peace
joy
patience
nature

experiencing life
farmer markets
concerts
cuddly pets
thunderstorms
garden fountains
good food

friendship
giving gifts
children
comfy cozy home
fresh herbs
flowers

books
sunshine
ocean breezes
truthfulness
sincerity
poetry
creativity
prayer
to be centered
forgiveness