I am

Creative

Caring

Funny

Intelligent

Brave

Spiritual

Open

Honest

Free-spirited

Loved

keep moving forward

time to fly

Feeling strong, feeling free.
Time to be who I want to be.
Loving life.
I watch the world go by my window
and each moment the love and joy
grows.
I am reminded of the sweetness of God.
I am really doing this!
This is what I adore-travel, nature, cities, new places!
A beautiful day;  today I want my soundtrack to be
lovely music.  I don't need to know the words,
I am writing my own.
I am trusting this love will last
and the memories I am making on my solo
travels will dissolve any feelings that arise after
this time has ended.  I still have more inside of me.
The passion and the desire to explore and experience
is alive in me.  I can do anything on my own.
I can go at my own pace.
This is freedom.

I want in my life

good coffee

healthiness
trust
photography

travel
understanding
learning
giving
caring
seeing
doing
smiling

peace
joy
patience
nature

experiencing life
farmer markets
concerts
cuddly pets
thunderstorms
garden fountains
good food

friendship
giving gifts
children
comfy cozy home
fresh herbs
flowers

books
sunshine
ocean breezes
truthfulness
sincerity
poetry
creativity
prayer
to be centered
forgiveness

Know what you want

First I determine what I do NOT want:
repetition without meaning
coldness
boredom
co-dependence
secrets
confusion
mediocrity
constant disappointment
depression
small mindedness
rejection
false protection
mindless distractions
to be a crutch
mistrust
mistreatment
excuses
panic attacks
frayed nerves

Why do we hold back?  What is the use of being fearful?  What made me think that I didn't deserve happiness and joy?  Why live a life that doesn't make sense?

This moment of time is a brand new chance to experience.  A clean slate, a life altering earth shattering newness is my current state of being.  I am uprooted from my whole life.  My job, my home, my long term boyfriend, my pet--POOF, GONE.  Relationships come and go and break-ups happen in all of our lives.  Becoming entwined with other human beings, on whatever level we allow the fusion to occur, opens us up to the chance to be nurtured, or hurt.   Letting the hurt out and dodging depression when a relationship ends is a lot to process.  The investment of energy, effort, and TIME is something that needs sorted out and sifted through.  The hurt will subside in time.  Try to look at the memories and smile.  Extracting someone or something so familiar from your life is painful.  Like having a tooth pulled (or several at the same time).  That void needs to be filled.  The empty space; what do you fill it with?  I chose to avoid filling that void with anything that doesn't bring positive growth to my life.  I choose to fill that space with love.

I grieve

I climb to the top of the mountains with a heavy heart and all the emotions pour out in layers.  The tears flow for love lost.  For holding on to the sadness for so long.  For babies who are mistreated or not hugged enough.  For the souls left without nurturing.  For all the times I allowed others to hurt me.  For welcoming in self defeat, and putting myself in harm's way.  If I had not gone through it, I wouldn't have embraced the understanding.  I let go of a dream and soar to new dreams filled with hope.  I hold onto the realness of this journey.  All around me are opportunities to show love.  What can I do to make the experience of life better everyday?
I grieve and leave it all on that mountain top.  I don't need it anymore.  I am free.  Maybe the dreams that haunt me will also leave once I can fully accept and let go.  I grieve so that I won't carry this sorrow any longer on my life's journey.  The burden of sadness is too great, and it drags me down, hinders my spirit.  I know the only healthy way to cope is to embrace the hurt, hold it tightly until I have worked it out of my system, and gently release it for good.
I grieve.

I crave. . .

genuine love
true friendships
connections with other people
understanding and compassion
health
adventure
opportunity
sunshine
ocean waves
healing
body shaking, eye-watering laughter
security
freedom
bliss
closer walk with God
courage

I release. . .

disappointment
the hurt inside my heart
fear
brokenness
the feeling of being taken advantage of
unforgiveness
empty promises
my ignorance
the inability to see things right in front of my face
horrible feeling of confusion
darkness
panic
nervousness
hateful ugliness
negativity
the feeling of betrayal

When does this pain go away?  It burns through my core.  

God, why do I have to be such a sensitive soul?  I can hardly bear it sometimes.  How else can I learn but by experiencing all of it?
When there is joy in my heart there is no longer room to rewind and replay the images of the past.  Releasing this negativity frees up space for new experiences and opportunities to love. 

I release a gut-forced blow-out of a cry pouring from my eyes onto my typing fingers. 

I release the worry about having solutions to every problem.

I pray instead.

  

I want to. . .

*better myself all the time

*face challenges head on (with my head on straight)

*write poetry, novels, articles, blogs

*help people

*give as much as I can*live with passion and purpose


*find my home

*travel and experience different cultures

*know myself

*maintain the peace I feel right now

*discover the artist within

*meditate, pray and accept the gifts God has given me

*accept and let go

*feel joy

In this moment

I wait for God's voice.  I do not have a plan, do not have a clear vision of what I should do.  I have a clear indication of what could be. . .lots of options.  The future is wide open, but now I need to heal.  Explore, be cautious.  Ask lots of questions.  Know myself.  Know what will bring me joy.  Know how to be patient.  Calm.  Have no fear.  What happens next is a mystery but it is exciting.  I can go anywhere.  There is nothing holding me back.  I can use the gifts I have to make a life for myself.

I want to travel to Morocco, France, Ireland, Scotland, New Zealand, Australia, Thailand, South Africa.

I want to live my life.

I have a blank journal-a fresh start.  The future is wide open.  I want to apply for something amazing and just go for it!  I want to say YES to change, to thriving, to touching, tasting, feeling.  To crying, to laughter, to feeling the deep pain and letting it go.  I push the pain out into the universe and watch it dissolve.