Know what you want

First I determine what I do NOT want:
repetition without meaning
coldness
boredom
co-dependence
secrets
confusion
mediocrity
constant disappointment
depression
small mindedness
rejection
false protection
mindless distractions
to be a crutch
mistrust
mistreatment
excuses
panic attacks
frayed nerves

Why do we hold back?  What is the use of being fearful?  What made me think that I didn't deserve happiness and joy?  Why live a life that doesn't make sense?

This moment of time is a brand new chance to experience.  A clean slate, a life altering earth shattering newness is my current state of being.  I am uprooted from my whole life.  My job, my home, my long term boyfriend, my pet--POOF, GONE.  Relationships come and go and break-ups happen in all of our lives.  Becoming entwined with other human beings, on whatever level we allow the fusion to occur, opens us up to the chance to be nurtured, or hurt.   Letting the hurt out and dodging depression when a relationship ends is a lot to process.  The investment of energy, effort, and TIME is something that needs sorted out and sifted through.  The hurt will subside in time.  Try to look at the memories and smile.  Extracting someone or something so familiar from your life is painful.  Like having a tooth pulled (or several at the same time).  That void needs to be filled.  The empty space; what do you fill it with?  I chose to avoid filling that void with anything that doesn't bring positive growth to my life.  I choose to fill that space with love.