a place for the one who inspires
a place for the encourager
and my spirit is strong
and cannot be broken
by those who doubt-
themselves
and try to force their
negativity and uncertainty
down my throat.
my life need not be filled
with anxiety and worry
it always works out
whether I panic or not,
it all falls into place
whether I force it or not.
I can only control so much
and mostly just my thoughts.
material possessions, money,
a house, two kids, a dog, a cat,
a white picket fence,
PTO, and volunteer on Sundays after
church
"when will you settle down and marry?
when will you plan for your future?
when will you stop being a dreamer
of big dreams?"
If success is equal to the right job
or the right spouse
or being rich
and living in the right house
or being perfect then
I am not a success.
I am OK with that.
I accept that I make mistakes
I do not always do or say the right
thing.
I don't know how to respond
sometimes.
I freeze up and get angry inside
and sometimes I take
my anger out on the wrong person.
Sometimes I hold it all inside and
it burns a hole in me and fire
shoots out of my eyes and spews from my mouth.
Sometimes I don't know which
way to go or how to get to the
next step in my life.
Sometimes I feel completely lost
and without clue,
sometimes I am frozen in fear
because I don't want to screw up
and put my hope in someone
who can hurt me.
I feel sad sometimes. Sometimes
I feel confident and brave.
I pray for people that I love and for people
that I used to love.
I pray blessings for people who hate me.
I don't know how to be someone
I am not.
I don't pretend.
I will continue to be the perpetually hopeful.
