Friday, July 30, 2010


Not sure where I fit in, wandering for now.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

No such thing

There is no such thing as a seamless transition.  Life feels surreal for a while when huge changes happen.  The darkness subsides and there is more than just a light at the end of the tunnel.  There is everlasting sunshine and warmth.  Glance back and know that it is all for education of a soft soul.  Teaching this soul to be cautious, to learn how to respect myself.  Anything or anyone who attempts to extinguish your soul's shine does not deserve to be in your life.  If you think that is what you deserve, then you haven't learned the lesson that God is trying to teach you.  No regrets, it is all worth the time, energy, tears and the full range of emotions, to learn how to love yourself.  Don't give away your power and allow someone else to make you feel small.  If you LET someone else make you feel that way, it is YOU that has to CHANGE.  No one can make you do or feel anything.  Have confidence in yourself and faith that God is a kind God, and you won't let your path get this far off course again.  Once the lesson is learned, God makes a way when there doesn't seem to be a way to set you back on course to a loving life of true comfort.  A life filled with joy.  Have faith in yourself, let the people who love you LOVE you, and let the darkness go. . .

Heal stronger, love.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Hello, Change.

Dear Michelle,

You are FREE to do ANYTHING you want to do.  Make choices that will allow your soul to shine!  Make choices that will bring out the best in you.  Do not live with regrets because these past four years have been crucial to the growing and learning process.  No need to be bitter or anxious over the future.  Today is the only day that you have.  Enjoy this day.  You don't have to worry about anything.  There are only things you do and you do not do.  Worry and anxiety do not help the next step happen.  Life does not have to be difficult, it is only as hard as you make it. 

Inevitable Change.

I want to help people.  I want to encourage and make a difference in the world.  I want to motivate people to live their best lives possible.  I want to give people the courage to have hope and strive to be better.  There is a lot of things in this world that are beautiful and good.  I believe in miracles, I believe in love.
I believe I am enough.  I want to surround myself with people who want to laugh and enjoy life.  I want to be joyful and strong.  I want to be at peace.  I want to live by the ocean.

I have cried so much and I have been very sad since I moved to Pittsburgh.  There were some good times but it has been pretty lame too.  Going through the motions is not living.  Being miserable is not acceptable.  Learning how to NOT repeat mistakes is invaluable.  GOD I DON'T WANT TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES AGAIN!  I learned I promise.  People put up red flags for a reason, if there are warning signs HEED them!!! Don't go beyond, STOP HERE! There is no need to crack a shell that does not wish to be cracked no matter how shiny the shell, there is no guarantee there will be a pearl.  Also, do not put your pearl out on display for any old Joe Schmoe.  It is priceless, you make him earn it!  Keep the hinges of your shell's hinges lubed but watch who you let snatch your prize.  

Putting all these pieces together is helping me see the big picture.  I have to let go and step away and let the rest happen.  When your life starts sounding like the lyrics to a country song, that is how you know that change is coming whether you like it or not!!!

Oh, and fairy tales are called fairy tales for a reason--THEY ARE NOT BASED IN REALITY.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Chelle Seeking

After things fall apart and you are left picking up the pieces it is hard to determine which pieces are yours and which are someone else's.  (Taking this personality test reminded me who I am.)  Some of the pieces are infused together and those are building blocks of experience that you take with you.  Kiss them gently, attach love to them, cleanse with tears and place gently in your growing garden of knowledge.
The weeds clutter your garden so you have to be a constant gardener.  Uproot the sadness, the loneliness, the frustration, the pain.  When weeds overwhelm and you need help to get your garden back in shape, don't be afraid to ask for help. You are loved!

Let the tears be the fountains in your garden. Allow memories to be the statues. Chizel the goodness. Cultivate the beauty of why you fell in love in the first place.

I mix my salty tears with ocean waves.

I unlock doors that I didn't know exist.

Hugs and laughter mend the brokeness.  I give myself permission to feel all of the feelings I need to feel to allow myself to heal.  I feel the intense sadness.  I embrace the fear of the unknown future. 

I am determined to free myself from the destructive patterns of my past. 

I mourn the loss of my fairytale romance.

I accept myself and all the aspects of what makes me who I am.

Our personalities are ingrained into every fiber of our beings.  When I understand I feel TRUE comfort.  I do not have to rely on false comforts any longer.  The void is instead filled with compassion and love. 

I can feel love grow inside of me and it is exciting. 

One day at a time.