Sunday, August 26, 2012

city of black and white

I watched this video hours before my westward journey to Washington state.   I felt the excitement growing in my stomach.  I was scared, nervous, and confident that I was making the right move.  Taking a big risk and doing something that I always dreamed of doing, headed for a dream.  This video really captures the beauty of Seattle.  This is what it looks like in the summer and it is the only time of the year when it isn't raining every other day.  To this landscape that I adore. . .

Saturday, August 18, 2012

shift in perspective

A couple of weeks ago I was feeling extremely stressed out and there were lots of contributing factors but it caused my body to actually just shut down.  It was a Tuesday and I slept through the better part of three days that week.  I felt anxiety, sadness, depression, and confusion.  I knew after missing work due to exhaustion that I needed to make some changes.  I had already started the mental process of making some healthy changes, but that experience snapped me into action.

I've started yet another phase in my life.  A metabolic reset.  I am meeting with a nutritionist once a week and eating a restricted diet.  No alcohol, no junk food, lots of veggies and protein.  I have entered into the third week of being cautious and conscious of each thing that i place into my mouth.  Exercise is also becoming more of a priority with this change.  I am gradually working into this lifestyle change because when I tried to overdo it I made myself sick.

I believe that having support for these kind of changes is very important.  To succeed and for a lifestyle change to stick you really need to have support.  I want to surround myself with positivity and good energy.  My health insurance benefits with my current employer cover visits to nutritionist.  I think that is amazing and I am excited about it.  I need all the help and encouragement I can get.

I have been working with Green Lake Nutrition and learning a lot about my relationship with food.  I know that it has been a comfort factor for me.  It is just like any other addiction.  Too much of anything leads to destruction.  I don't want to hurt my body, because it ends up destroying my energy.

I'm shifting my self perspective.  I am not a victim of circumstances.  I am taking back control of my life.  I have felt drained and without focus for the past several months.  I have spent days in my bed, paralyzed with fatigue.  There is a beautiful landscape outside my studio apartment and I feel like I have been missing so much of it.  I realize that my health has been on the back burner while I was dealing with other issues.  Now I can no longer ignore my body's needs, because it is begging me to make changes.

Recovery happens slowly.  It has it's own pace and whether I like it or not, I have to comply.  The last time I lost weight, I lost 40 pounds in four months.  I was very determined but I did not have the support I have now.  With the monitoring and weekly discussions, I feel like the success rate is high.

The program I am on will teach me what food restrictions I have based on my personal needs.  I am aware that I am very sensitive to chemicals and drugs.  I can't even drink a cup of coffee without it causing me to have a sleepless night if I drink it too late in the day.  Birth control pills? Yikes!  Anti-depressants?  No way!  Processed foods contain lots of chemicals, and I'm sure that has something to do with the fatigue I've been feeling, along with the alcohol and lack of exercise.

So what has this change done for my self perspective?  I am realizing that a lot of the fatigue has been diet related.  When my body is lacking the nutrition and exercise it needs to function, it shuts down.

Moving to Seattle was an act in self love and this step is delving further onto that path.  It has taken me several months to gain clarity and focus.  Now the time is here to make these positive changes for myself.  I feel like I've just awakened from a deep and foggy sleep.

I have also been working with a life coach Andrea Hotton to figure out how to get out of my funk.  We have been exploring lots of topics to help me with accountability and focus.  I have learned some interesting things about myself through this process.  It leads me to the other issue that I am working through and that would be my finances.  It is something I struggle with because I find it stressful and dull.  I want to have a more positive outlook on finances, so I hope that it will come with time.   

Being surrounded with love and encouragement is going to help me succeed in getting these struggles under control.  I know I am not perfect, but perfectly imperfect and that is perfectly fine!  But having goals and working toward bettering myself makes me feel alive.