Friday, June 7, 2013

stirring the pot

If you've never tried craniosacral therapy, you should give it a whirl.  I was told that I had one of the worse cases of TMJ (temporomandibular joint or tightness in my jaw) by two different therapists that either of them have ever seen.  After three visits with my naturopath doctor; Dr. Theresa Goldsmith at The Emerald Center for Integrative Medicine,  performing craniosacral massage, the tightness is almost gone.  My doctor said it was not only from the work she's done but the truth I have proclaimed in my life recently.  I carry stress in my jaw from holding my tongue from the truth.
What truth?  
I am bored with my job.
I lack direction in my "career" path.  
I need to find work where I can thrive.  

How many more desk jobs will I have where I burn out in two years and have to move to another position?  I am having trouble moving around in the current company.  Doors are closed to me.  I am flailing like a fish out of water.  I'm a round peg trying to fit into a square hole.  My truth keeps the doors closed.  
Time to find the open doors.
I am beginning to explore the options of moving on in my search for fulfilling work, or at least working toward a goal to make a truth-filled future for myself.  I had a poor review with my current position in customer service.  I have been taking things personally when people speak to me with anger or frustration.  I get defensive.  I am experiencing burn-out.  I don't like the way I feel about my job.  I am trying to approach it with a better attitude.  I am grateful to have a job.  I don't need to give my power away because of some jerk's bad day.  I am better than that.  It is not fulfilling my soul, but in the meantime I must not let it steal my joy. 

I am looking into possibly trying massage therapy, or photography or nutrition, or ???  I would have to beef up on the organic chemistry classes if I wish to follow the path of nutritionist, and that may take me at least four years to get there.  Is that what I really want?  The help is there if I need it, the universe will open up and accept whichever path I choose.  I have dates set up to explore the programs and I am looking forward to seeing what is out there.

I won't listen to anyone trying to tell me what I CAN'T do.  There have been too many times where I let negativity keep me from moving forward or pursing one of my passions.  I can do whatever I put my mind to do.
With focus and ambition and federal student loans, I can go back to school and learn something that I can do that will be more in alignment with who I am.
I am glad that I am able to get away on the weekends to the woods and see beautiful things.  This is the absolute best therapy.   But all the stirring is bringing about another change in the season. . .new choices to make.  Stirring the pot that's been stagnant for a long time feels good.  It is time to take the next step. . .

a sacred place

I am sitting on a picnic table in one of the most magnificent places I've seen.  I'm in a remote spot only reachable by boat on Lake Chalen.  It is early morning, and I am the only one awake.  I have my tent set up away from the others.  In a perfect spot by the lake.

There's raging river beside me coming off of a mountain cascading down into the crystal blue lake.

There are snowcapped mountains with little trees lining the surface like a man's facial stubble in need of a shave.

There's a calm, peace and wondrous presence of God here.  So close to me right now.  Spiritual healing, continuously, working on my soul.  There's  no "arrival" moment, just constant testing, failure, success, confusion and letting go.

Moving forward, moving on.  What's my purpose on this planet?  I've been so blessed to enjoy the richness of beauty all around me.  I take in the brilliance of this secret place that my friends have shared with me because they love me and wanted me to experience it with them.

Here I am, God.  Mold me into who you want me to be.  I want to be a light and not allow anyone to take my light from me.  How do I take the next leap of faith?  Where do I go next?  How do I fit in?  

 This place is so wonderful-I am so honored to be in a sacred spot.  It moves me to tears of joy and it restores my soul.    Thank you God for making such a beautiful planet.  Thank you for making me.  I am so happy to experience each and every moment.  Thank you for making me so sensitive, it allows me to experience life so richly and fully.

I am living my dream!