So I went to a show last night in Seattle by myself. It was not so scary to go alone, even though I thought it might be. I ate coconut curry at a restaurant called Boom Noodle. I had some sake. I felt the urge to write while I was waiting for the show to start. I got there too early, and Sebadoh wasn't going on stage until way later. I felt happy just being there. I didn't really talk to anyone too much. I found a perfect parking spot across the street. I was just happy to go to a show that I had always wanted to see. I was alone and it didn't matter. None of it really matters. I loved being there in the moment. It feels good to be in touch with who I am. I wanted to be there and I was euphoric.
If life hadn't taken the turns that it had, I wouldn't have had the chance to be sitting in that moment. This is the place where I am supposed to be right now. This is what life is all about. Living. Taking a chance and just going for it. If you are scared to drive downtown, do it anyways. If you are scared to go to a concert by yourself, do it anyways. If you are scared to go to lots of job interviews, do them anyways.
I was sitting at a candle lit table last night, and there were people sitting around me. The DJ was playing The Pogues. The song from the movie PS I Love You. It reminded me of the past. Is it possible that the release and the push forward was done out of love? I like to think so, and maybe I will hold on to that. It makes me feel better to think the best.
I have nothing to lose. I have a heart full of wonder and excitement for the possibilities that life holds. I will keep moving forward and trying my hardest to trust that it will all work out. I will allow myself to be exposed to the hurt and pain. I don't ever want to lose the ability to feel deeply. I allow the pain and I release it. It is all part of being a human being. We all experience hurt and disappointment. It is okay. Just let go and let it happen.