Wednesday, April 20, 2011

thoughts on a Wednesday

Love overwhelms me and I can hardly take it.  The cleansing tears that flow flood the eye gates and pour down my cheeky mounds, exposed, can't hide, but no one here seems to be aware of my tears and in silence they fall, unnoticed and unburdening.  The invisibility that I feel sometimes makes me feel like a spirit or a ghost haunting this space.  The security and the calm of going unnoticed, isn't that what I wanted?  It is easier to be invisible that it is to be on display.  When you are noticed, therein lies a much greater risk of being hurt.  But at what cost?  If you don't put yourself out there you can miss opportunities to connect with people who energize and allow you to shine.  Don't be afraid to be who you are, let your soul shine out and don't worry about being hurt.  There is a chance I could be surprised by not being hurt-there's no need for the false protection anymore.  Remove it, let it melt away with your past need for comfort.  Respect your body and feed it with health and love.  I feel the hot tears brimming my eyelids and making me feel tired and vulnerable.  I can feel the release and there is a pocket of emotion longing to escape.  To free me.  I don't need the layers of protection anymore.  I am free from the things that have bound me.  The need for comfort no longer needed is like saying goodbye to a lover  The relationship is not desired anymore and breaking away is hard but it is needed in order for me to keep growing inside.  Pruning away, dissolving.  Can I truly say goodbye to the insecurities or will it be a battle for always?  There is no one to whom I have to prove myself.  I am here not to be anything but me.

I love the freedom.  I was always free, I was the only one holding myself back, but I didn't realize it at the time.  Send light and love to the past, embrace it like a friend and let it go, Michelle.  There is no one and nothing holding you onto the past, nothing but you.  Use it as a building block, not a stumbling block.  There is no one out there to get you.  There is not a cosmic joke being played on you, there is no rug that will be pulled.  There is just the road ahead and the steps of today.  Let the joy wash over you today and know that you are submerged in pure beautiful love. 
Don't worry about loneliness, each day will bring what is needed.  Don't wish your life away, be happy with this moment.  I don't have to be afraid of anything.  Just be confident and let the love flow. The universe will set things right and balance itself out.  God will not leave someone who is praying for miracles out in the cold. He heard my cries, and he held me through all of it.  I can trust that keeping an eye on the truth will keep me from colliding with the sadness that blanketed me in the dark times. The time of complete confusion has ended, now there is clarity.

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