Sunday, July 24, 2011

my heart is holding back

my heart is holding back all the love i want to pour out onto another.  this is not the time for it.  i feel my feelings growing in my safety zone fantasy world yet again, and i stop myself.  the ebb and flow like the ocean waters, learning my lessons from past experiences.  i feel gushy and lovey in a world of make believe then i become aware of my pattern, and i pull away.  fantasy does not bring satisfaction, it is a false sense of comfort, and i refuse to allow myself to entertain it's empty rewards.  there is joy and beauty in friendship, but acknowledging boundaries is healthy.  flirtations and silly daydreams are fun but they distract me from my true desires.  why can't i turn that fantasy love into real self love instead?  i can, actually and i am making up my mind right now to practice self love.  exercise, prayer, meditation, eating healthy food, and practicing self awareness.  if i do not feel comfortable in my own skin then i need to do something about it.  i know i can because i have done it before.  so here it goes, "operation chelle in shape" begins now.  starts today.  i am determined and focused.  i am ready now.  i will track my calories and join a gym.  i have a lot more confidence in myself and more energy when i am taking care of my body.

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